Nuerotic Orthotics

So after a year of back pain I finally saw a physical therapist today who diagnosed my problem almost immediately: my right leg is 1/8" shorter than my left. I'm unbalanced. And after all these many years my back is tired of compensating for it, so big owww for me.
The cure is simple, however. I was afraid I'd have to do months of strange exercises, but all I need is "orthotics." Which are great! Little insoles that fit discreetly in my tennis shoes.
But orthotics in the Blahniks???? I DON'T THINK SO. He told me wearing heels is part of the problem. Stop wearing heels? What am I gonna do with a closet full of 4" platforms, peep-toes, rose-adorned D'Orsays, sequined mules, shiny red patents? I came home from Las Vegas two weeks ago with a suitcase with 3 new pairs in it; screw the gambling. The point is I've got lots of wondrous shoes and believe me, these charming orthotics won't fit in any of them. And even if they did fit they'd look pathetic, kinda like those commercials that try to make it look like those old people are having such fun at the nursing home.
I LOVE wearing heels! Must wear heels! In last month's Elle magazine the Fashion Know-it-All (who is this person? I have no idea. Probably some hideous Yeti in a closet that sits there all alone and dreams up hilarious answers to reader's inane fashion questions) said that it's "not so much how you wear them but that you are prepared for what will happen to you if you do." Ha!!! I thought that was so hilarious. Happen to you? Like what? Tottering over into a gutter? Getting the heel stuck in someone's lawn and going around in circles like a dog leashed to a stake? (Not to worry, I do know what the Yeti meant by that. One of my girlfriends in Seattle calls them CFM shoes & it shouldn't take you long to figure that one out.)
But I figger most of these are 2-hour shoes anyway--great for wearing to dinner, sitting for a couple hours, and walking from the restaurant back to the car (or the golf cart, in my case). Two-hour shoes are not quite the same as 5-minute underwear, which is also fabulous, expensive, but not very comfortable--and you have to be prepared for what will happen to you when you wear that, too-- but that's the subject of a different column altogether.)
Anyway, I'm not giving them up, orthotics or no orthotics. So if you run into me at a cocktail party & I'm wearing heels & leaning to the left like the tower of Pisa, you'll know why. And if my back still hurts, I'LL know why.
P.S. I was lying about the Blahniks. I don't really own any. I just pretend I do. Most of my shoes come from TJ Maxx. It just rhymed with "orthotics." Sorta.