Confessions of a Bag Hag

So Louis' new bag is $2300. I actually saw someone carrying this bag. She was incredibly thin, looked very unfriendly, and was trying to play with a stray cat that was even unhealthier looking than she was. She looked creepily wicked, in a way. And I didn't even notice the bag until my daughter practically hit me over the head with her own fake Prada.
What makes a woman want to spend $2300 on a bag? That's more than my brand new Ford Pinto cost in 1972. Does anybody really need a bag that costs more than a car?
Just the day after we saw cat-woman with her Louis, my husband arrived in Maui on the way home from Korea where he had gone on business. My husband, you must know, is not a shopper. His idea of going shopping for a wardrobe is to walk into Macy's, grab any number of polo shirts and Dockers, shoot them, strap them to the hood, and race home after the hunt. The entire process takes about 15 minutes. That's when he's moving slow.
But on this trip he'd had some extra time, and bless his little heart, went to the night market in Seoul. He not only shopped, he knew names. He not only knew names, he remembered color preferences. He not only remembered color preferences, he haggled. Yes! It's true.
The darling came to Maui with a carry-on bag packed to the zippers with Prada, Burberry, Coach, and Gucci for my daughter and I, all for [he says] less than $300 American. Seriously!
The squeals of delight could be heard on Oahu!
What about counterfeit bags? I know they're illegal. Time was you could go to Chinatown in New York and find beautiful fake Chanels, Guccis, Pradas. You could haggle the afternoon away in some metal trailer of a shop and come back with some real loot. Now those days are gone, police are cracking down, counterfitters are being prosecuted, fined, jailed even. Sigh.
I know it's not right to rip off some designer, to pretend your stuff is theirs, to sell or buy cheap imitations of beautiful handiwork.
But who doesn't have a fake? Louies have become so ubiquitous now you can spot them anywhere: Wal-Mart shoppers. Davis High School sophomores. Backyard Center moms. Everyone and their dog seems to have a Louis--and I mean that literally. (Those Puppy Purses are so cute I'm tempted to borrow a puppy just so I can carry one around. ) But come on! You can't tell me all these women are actually paying money for the real thing!
"Handbag Parties" are becoming a thing of the past as the "real" fakes disappear. Now the knock-offs have funny-looking little 'c's as opposed to the real Chanel. The stitching on the Dooney & Bourkes is bright yellow and obnoxious-looking. The Burberries have a tag that says "Bunberry" or some equally misleading but humorous attempt at faking the fake.
But on the other hand....what right has a designer to sell a bag for $2300? Ok, it's nice leather. But what? From the underbelly of some prized Mongolian goat that was fed caviar for it's entire pampered life? Ok, it's a nice design. But who can't design a purse, for god's sake?
I hope I don't get arrested with my new little pink plaid Burberry, but I wear my fakes proudly. I sort of like to think that anyone who charges upwards of $2000 for a bag sort of deserves to be ripped off. And anyway, I didn't buy them, my husband did. And my goodness, did that man score points that day. Lots of 'em.
What are your thoughts on fake bags? Do you have one? How much would you pay for the real thing?

Swimsuit Hell

Why is swimsuit shopping so painful? Swimsuits either seem way too young and too skimpy or depressingly MATRONLY and hideous. Is there anything in between?
I spent lots of time observing swimsuits when I was on vacation last week and I did find a couple of attractive ones on older women. WHERE DID THEY GET THOSE??? I wanna know.

Anyone who's gotten older and gained a few pounds has tried the Miracle Suit, which guarantees that you'll look 5 lbs skinnier. What they don't tell you is that you have to be a contortionist to actually put one on. And don't even try to get the thing back up once it's wet--that takes at least 3 people. Preferably blind.
So while in Maui I went swimsuit shopping. Which I usually only do after 2 or 3 mai tais. But this day I found and bought two suits. One was from the Junior department, where I picked up the largest possible size. It was a two-piece tankini, blue and white print, little red bows, cute little ruffle around the top, boy shorts. The other was from the women's department: tank top, higher neckline, skirted bottom. "Skirtini" they called it. Very modest. Both half price.

The real test comes, of course, not in the trying-on but in the actual wearing, and for that matter, the actual swimming. Which, unlike lots of women, I actually do.

The Junior suit stayed on, but the top gapped from the shorts, revealing my end-of-vacation 5-months-pregnant-55-year-old belly. The shorts rode up, letting my buns sag out. It was hard to compress all the lumps into that little thing. It was pretty much obscene. But it was so cute! It had little red bows!
The women's suit straps kept falling off my shoulders, it gapped under my arms, the skirt made me feel like I was trapped in seaweed when I was swimming and I generally felt like I was in my bloomers in one of those pictures from the 1890's at Coney Island. Skirtini my ass.

Whatever. When I left the condo, I took with me the junior suit. I left the bloomers for the housekeepers. I guess I'd rather pretend I feel cute than surrounded by seaweed. Euuwww.

Someday I'll find a suit that covers my middle, lifts my boobs, holds in my buns, doesn't ride up, doesn't fall off my shoulders, doesn't take two helpers to pull up, and makes me look 10 lbs thinner, ten shades tanner, and ten years younger. I'll pay full price.

More Maui

She was having dinner at Pacific O in Lahaina. This was a beautiful silk dress that was like a gorgeous scarf tied around her body. There's a designer in Lahaina that makes them, but she said she got this one in NYC, where she lives. She was on her honeymoon and was positively glowing!

My BFF Carlos

Okay, maybe Carlos Santana isn't the best-dressed man in Maui but I just had to put this in my blog anyway! We had dinner next to him at the Hula Grill & he's a very kind, quiet, & gracious guy. And the blue swirly shirt is not bad. God... we look ultragoofy.

I saw this girl at Whaler's Village and she looked so great--the little yellow dress had a tie in the back & I like the way she put the pink croc bag with it; also a crystal heart necklace. She couldn't remember where she bought the dress, but she was from Illinois. Just looked very cool & put together.

Maui Style

Ok--so these pics have nothing to do with Yakima style, but I happen to be in Maui right now. I found these girls on the beach & they all looked so great in their bikinis. The braids are a sweet touch, she didn't want to have to worry about her hair.
Like Nora Ephron said, "If I'd known how good i looked at 27 I would have put on a bikini and worn it all year." Enjoy it while you can...every year it gets more and more challenging to look good in a swimsuit. Waaaahh!

Welcome to Not Quite Palm Springs

Welcome to "Not Quite Palm Springs," a semi-serious blog about Yakima style. Ha! Yakima and Style in the same sentence? I know, it's hilarious.

But it's true. I'm going to blog about what style really is, whether there is even a smidgen of it in Yakima, and who might have it.

So my intent is to go around town with my camera trying to find some style in this town, and documenting it with comments on the blog.

It could be fun! You can comment whenever you want. There will be important questions that you can answer such as "Who do you know in Yakima that has style?" or "Is Yakima truly the Palm Springs of Washington?" and "Do you have to be skinny to be stylish?"

There will be pictures of women of all ages, maybe even men if I can find any. There may be an emphasis on women over 40 just because I am and just because it's a challenge to find women over 40 who can find clothes that aren't 1) boring and 2) unflattering.

So check back! Bookmark me! Tell your friends! And comment whenever you feel the spirit.

Onward....